Beer was probably invented entirely by accident, or so it seems. Beer was likely invented 5,000 years before Christ in Egypt, Mesopotamia, or Iran. You known damn well if they invented beer in Iran, it was definitely by mistake. I don’t want to accuse the Iranians of not being any fun, but I don’t know of any really good happy hour deals in downtown Tehran. If you’re looking for a really good “America is the Great Satan” rally then Tehran is the place for you. However if you’re looking for a decent selection of bocks, stouts, or IPA’s then you might want to have a serious chat with your travel agent.
The invention of beer was simple enough, all that was needed was some dried grain or bread, yeast, and some water. The world simply needed an uneducated goat roper to leave the cover off the grain storage jar so the rain could get to it. Eventually wild yeast would enter the mix and VOILA! you have the start of something magical called beer. The brewer just didn’t know it at the time, and was too afraid to try it.
For those of you who have ever been on a brewery tour or made your own beer, you know that beer in it’s fermentation stage is not only scary looking but it can also have an aroma that can offend house flies. This means that the first jar of beer was not met with songs of rejoice, but was more likely seen as perfectly good food that had spoiled.
Our accidental brewer, not wanting anything to go to waste needed to know if the mystery liquid was safe to drink, or if it was suitable for some other purpose. Fortunately the brewer had a buddy named Frank. Actually he had a very long multisyllabic Persian name that when translated into English means Frank. We all know a guy like Frank, he’s the jolly, always looking for a good time kind of guy. Frank is the friend you can always count on at the last minute to go with you to the chariot races, or watch a good old fashioned beheading at the gladiator tournament. The problem for Frank is that he always bets on the wrong gladiator and as a result loses a few gold pieces or is forced to walk home in a pink toga. Fortunately on one magical occasion, Frank bet on a one eyed gladiator with arthritis and as a result, was forced to become the world’s first beer chugger. Initially this title was not met with enthusiasm, but when the jar of frothy nastiness had been consumed the world learned something important…….BEER IS GOOD!
The person who was a farmer/goat roper suddenly became a brewer, and to the rest of the world he/she was a hero. The first brewer was a wonderful person, but you and I know that the real hero is a guy named Frank.