I’m probably a terminal bachelor, which means that a calendar is merely a medium for large format photos of women in bikinis laid across expensive sports cars. To a woman the calendar is her second best friend (shoes first) every second of the day is an opportunity to avoid cataclysmic schedule conflicts. For a woman a calendar is a reminder of the important milestones of life. The calendar must be referenced for birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, and hair styling appointments. If the family dog craps on the lawn 5 minutes later than expected, she will check the calendar for potential problems. I bring this up because my friend Anne (or is it Ann?) posted that today is her 16th wedding anniversary, so by default it is the 16th anniversary for Frank and Tina. My brother, who apparently knows how to use a calendar also informed me that today is my parents 54th anniversary (congrats Mom and Dad). For my friends and family today is a big eventful day, for a blissfully unaware moron like me today is Tuesday.
OK, back to the Fishers. Whenever there is a couple that breaks up, friends rally and tell the newly despondent singles that there are more fish in the sea and they will eventually find the right person. This is simply not the case for Ryan and Anne/Annie/Anna. These two people truly are one in a billion which means there is an identical couple to them in China, India, Africa, and in line at the Santa Ana DMV. I knew them both when they were single and I would love to tell you I knew they were meant for each other from the start. The truth is I’m simply not that observant, especially when it come to matters of the heart. Had you asked me what kind of woman Ryan was attracted to at the time I would have said he’s got a hankering for extremely tall transgender black women with blonde hair extensions and junk in the trunk. Anne/Ann/Anita did not fit that prototype. For the record she looked terrible with blonde hair extensions because she didn’t color the rest of her hair. Junk in the trunk? well that referred to her dire need for a car wash. Anya/Ann/Anne wanted a shy, reserved, quiet guy but ended up with a man who at a conversational tone can be overheard at an AC/DC concert……oh yeah, he ain’t shy either!
I don’t know when, why, or how it happened but eventually these two whackos became a couple. Their introduction must have involved large quantities of beer, tequila, and an unpredicted planetary alignment. For Ryan and Ann/Anne/Andrea there really were no other fish in the sea, the two of them had to make it work. They share a special brand of insanity for which there is no known cure. Only radical therapeutic exercises such as engaging in tomato fights, carrying each other home from the bars on alternating Saturday nights, and practicing pairs figure skating routines in theater lobbies, can keep them from posing a harm to themselves and others. Whatever it is the Fishers are Crazy about each other, and they’ve been in love for more than 16 years. It’s been a privilege to know them, and it’s been fun as hell to watch them along the way. If I had my sh@t together I would’ve kept a pen and paper handy to take notes when they’re around. They would not have taught me a damn thing about love and marriage but they would be the inspiration for a huge TV sitcom. We could’ve been filthy rich from their shenanigans.
Happy Anniversary guys!
P.S. Anna I will remember how to correctly spell your name when I am served a grilled cheese sandwich on the good china!!